Skin.

Skin.

I have still yet to experience a day in Cambodia without my flesh being touched, examined, and questioned about.  In the States I am the tan friend, more than not the VERY tan friend. In Cambodia, on quite literally a day-to-day basis, I am discussed and reviewed as the “white girl” or as one of the “white teachers". I have been on a handful of trips outside of my country, but never has my skin been as conversed about as it has been here. If anything I figured I would blend in with this culture considering my nationality, but that’s not really the case at all.             
Originally I had found the whole “white girl” referencing to be rather hilarious solely because it was so different from what the norm is for me…but the longer I am here, receiving looks from everyone, and the more I am exposed to exchanges regarding skin color the more and more nauseous I become. 
 Yesterday in the classroom I about fell off of my seat from having a conversation with a couple of my ordinarily sweet and darling third graders. “Tee-Cha, you are beautiful because your skin is white, she (then talking about her best friend standing right next to her) is VERY ugly Tee-Cha, because her skin is black!!”My jaw dropped. I could not believe the words that had come out of this little girl. The demeanor of each of these two girls drastically changed in a matter of seconds, the typically sweet girl had become brutally nasty, and it especially changed in the one who had just been humiliated by her best friend. 

I was incredibly shocked and exceptionally upset over what had just happened.  Throughout the past few weeks I’ve been exposed to many uncomfortable things, MANY, but for some reason this was by far the most uncomfortable and upsetting situation I have come across....and it was between two of my most well behaved students. 

Immediately I told both of my students that they were beautiful, not just that, but also that in America their tanned skin would be highly desired. When I reference anything about America all of my students eavesdrop and put a halt to everything else they are doing because America is so highly esteemed to them. It is almost sickening. 

Soon after they ALL began asking what seemed like a million questions per minute. “Tee-Cha, WHY would anyone want to be dark?” “Tee-Cha, doesn’t being white mean you are rich?” “Tee-Cha, why can’t we look like an American?” “Tee-Cha, why do white skinned people have freckles? Why can’t we have freckles?” “Tee-Cha, why can’t we be beautiful like them.” I would solve some, ignore some, and try to come up with any possible affirmative answers I could to these kids about something so simple and yet so imperative: skin.                 
I was so frustrated, almost angry at the entire situation. I told them how sick it made me that they did not see the beauty that they ALL have and I am quite positive that by simply looking at my face the students comprehended how disappointed and disgusted I was about the discussion we were having. They slowly started to back off with the questions and began their schoolwork again. 
  I was not and am not angry with my kids. I was however, and am troubled with how revolting this world can be. It was not my students’ fault for believing that white skin is beautiful, just as we typically as Americans believe tanned skin is the most preferable. We've all been programmed throughout our lives to be insecure with our natural selves, and to desire something that we naturally lack, even if that something is ridiculously unnecessary. These kids have clearly been taught and trained to believe that whiter skin equals a higher status in society, and although some students' feelings were hurt it has been shown acceptable to say things as such, here in Cambodia. 

Although I would have rather have had this discussion come up on different terms…in the end the students came up with the conclusion that sometimes it is truly hard to be thankful with what we have been given but that we should be, as well as the importance of the need to appreciate our bodies, no matter the color of our skin. 
I somewhat naively want to believe that they absorbed AND considered at least something from our discussion that we had yesterday….. I hope to God they did…and if that is not the case I hope to God I was competent enough to learn something from my students. They are not the only ones to too quickly misjudge their significance, based on such a minor thing as skin or exterior appearance; I can absolutely consider myself guilty of that same fault….. because of this, I am absolutely going to try put effort into being more appreciative of the self that God has given me, many flaws included. 

          In conclusion, ALL I want is for these kids to realize their worth. ALL I want is for these kids to realize how beautifully significant they are. Especially to me. 

-Amber